Welcome to the hop! Firstly the admin stuff for those new to this. The main purpose of the hop is to generate publicity for the International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia (IDAHO) on May 17th. As readers and writers of queer romance to boot, it is also a chance for us to stand together as a community and fight discrimination against our work. Only in its second year, already the hop is garnering a lot of interest and participation and I for one am proud to be a part of it. I’ve got a series of blogs planned to run over the course of the hop, addressing everything from current events to personal experience and literary theory. There’s also some prizes on offer so be sure to read on!

Homophobia is a topic I don’t usually discuss outright on my blog – I talk about discrimination, about equal rights, about the fact that so many people seem incapable of simply being decent human beings. But homophobia is a word I usually avoid.


Usually, I admit, I consider it counter-productive. Just like I shut down and stop listening if someone starts using slurs against me, so I expect my audience to react if I do the same to them. And while I may be just as accurate calling someone a homophobe as they are calling me a dyke, I own my identity in a way they don’t. They say gay or dyke or queer like these are bad things. Being a homophobe is a bad thing. No-one’s going to identify with that.

Plus – and this is a difficult point to cede but one that’s important to note – not all anti-gay discrimination is de facto homophobic in nature. Homophobia is an irrational fear, it’s lashing out at people who are gay because they are gay. Arguing against gay marriage because you have an honestly-held belief that your religion does not condone it is not, of itself, homophobic. It’s wrong; ignorant; fundamentally unconstitutional and discriminatory, but it’s not homophobic.

I think that’s an important distinction that needs to be made – between discrimination and homophobia. I can – I have – hold perfectly amicable and reasonable discussions about equality with people who, whether they realise it or not, are openly advocating (to my face!) the treatment of me and mine as second-class citizens. Telling me that I have no right to get married; to expect the same visitation and custody and property and legal and beneficial and parental rights as any other human being, simply because my choice of spouse would be female. Believe me, it makes me so angry I start shaking that people think this is acceptable. That they’ve got the gall to come to my space and tell me that it’s acceptable. To berate me for ‘whining’ about it, even!

It doesn’t make them homophobes.

What does make someone a homophobe is when they lash out – verbally or physically – against people they perceive as gay. When they’re not debating a point of law or a religious tract but rather are using the weaponry of law and God to attack. I will happily sit and discuss the Bible with anyone who wants to have that conversation with me (be warned: I’ve actually read it), and we can cite scripture to each other all night debating what God really thought of homosexuality. We might reach a conclusion, we might agree to disagree, but the debate can still be exactly that – open and civil, with both sides prepared to listen even if they’ve agreed in advance that they’re never going to agree. What I will not tolerate is someone picking and choosing select verses to sling mud – and certainly not to cite said verses as some kind of evidence to support my lawful oppression.

We have reached a strange point in our evolution when any disagreement is taken as a sign of hostility. I have no fear of disagreeing with anyone. Indeed, the greatest civilisations the human race has yet known were founded on the philosophic principles of earnest disagreement. Would Socrates have had so much to say were he not forever correcting his friends?

Calling every person who disagrees with you a bigot; a homophobe or a racist or misogynist or whatever, is to mitigate the very real harm caused by those people who are homophobic or racist or misogynistic. It hides the real ugliness of the truth behind political and religious and pseudo-scientific rhetoric. It makes these phobias seem almost rational, when they are anything but.

The true face of homophobia is not to be found in the politician voting against extending spousal benefits to same-sex partners because the type of people who vote for him wouldn’t stand for it. It is not to be found in the minister struggling to reconcile his own interpretation of his holy text with a rapidly-changing society. It is not even to be found in the high school kids who think their friend’s new shoes are ‘soooooooooo gay.‘ We can take offence at these things and call them homophobic if we want but that is only going to further alienate people who, I am convinced, we could reach out to if only we’re less defensive about disagreeing with them. Calm, reasonable and rational discourse is the key to educating to the vast, vast majority who are simply confused or under-informed.

The true face of homophobia is something so ugly, so vicious, that most people simply cannot stand to look it in the eye. Instead they hide behind the sort of examples I just cited and say they’re addressing the problem when what they’re really doing is avoiding it. Through fear of upsetting people; of feeling their stomachs lurch in response, most people hide behind euphemisms and look the other way.

I’m sorry, but prepare to be upset.

Wilfred de Bruijn's photograph from his Facebook page

Wilfred de Bruijn’s photograph from his Facebook page

It’s in the face of Wilfred de Bruijn, who was attacked in Paris at the beginning of April.


It’s in the faces of all the victims of the recent spate of gay-bashings across New York City.

It’s in the face of a young man who was attacked by people he considered friends; people who stripped him naked, mutilated his genitals, repeatedly raped him with beer bottles, set him alight and smashed his skull with a 20lb rock because he told them he was gay. It is in the face of Vladislav Tornovoy, who was only twenty-three years old when he was murdered on May 9th this year.

23-year-old Vladislav Tornovoy

A survey conducted in 2008 showed that one in five gay people living in the UK had suffered homophobic abuse. One in six had been physically assaulted, while almost ninety percent reported insults and harassment. 20% of all homeless youths identify as LGBT, and more than 60% of them commit suicide. Equality matters; don’t doubt me. What is happening right now in Russia illustrates perfectly that if a minority of a nation’s citizens are denigrated in law, aggression towards them grows. By placing us as unequal, inferior, lesser than our heterosexual counterparts, we are being dehumanised. We are being turned into targets. That’s why equality matters. But as loud and as long as I will scream for gay marriage, for spousal benefits and tax concessions, let us never forget that there are those out there fighting for their lives; for their right to even stand up and be recognised.

I’m sorry to start on a downer, but this is the reality faced by many thousands of people across the globe. This is what we are fighting; this is why we won’t just shut up and go away and stop making people uncomfortable. This is why we need events like IDAHO and why we need as many people as possible – gay, straight, and everything in between – to stand up and shout loud and long for equality. So please, join the hop – there’s dozens of bloggers involved, writing some fascinating posts – leave comments, share, tweet; write your own posts even. Make our voices heard. Use the hashtag #HAHAT and follow the hop on facebook and twitter.

To show our appreciation, all those involved in the hop are offering LGBT-related prizes. I’m offering a signed copy of my novel What He Wants to one winner, plus one e-copy of any book in my backlist to five runners up. The first prize winner will also have a £50 donation made to the Albert Kennedy Trust in their name. That donation will provide three nights’ accommodation, bedding, toiletries, food and travel allowance to one homeless LGBT youth. It is an excellent charity, and I urge you to check them out.

All you have to do to enter is comment on this post or check out Rafflecopter to enter by sharing or tweeting a link.

Don’t forget to check out the other bloggers who are also participating by clicking on the link below!

Kate Aaron

Born in Liverpool, Kate Aaron is a bestselling author of LGBT romances. Kate swapped the north-west for the midwest in October 2015 and married award winning author AJ Rose. Together they plan to take over the world.


Erica Pike · May 17, 2013 at 3:02 pm

Again, I’m blown away by your writing. Yes, it was harsh, but so, so necessary.

“What is happening right now in Russia illustrates perfectly that if a minority of a nation’s citizens are denigrated in law, aggression towards them grows.”

I don’t think anyone could have put it any better.

DarienMoya · May 17, 2013 at 4:27 pm

This Post!! Powerful, hardhitting, and I am in tears. I had no idea what was going on in Russia and now I wish I sorta didn’t know cus it hurts. We need change on a global scale, and its what I pray for, its what I hope for, and its what I wish for.

    Kate Aaron · May 19, 2013 at 8:59 am

    I had no idea what was going on in Russia and now I wish I sorta didn’t know cus it hurts.

    And that is exactly why we need to confront this behaviour when it happens.

KimberlyFDR · May 17, 2013 at 2:03 pm

Thank you for taking part in the hop! The ugliness of homophobia and hate must be stopped. As long as we push on, one person at a time, it can happen.

    Kate Aaron · May 19, 2013 at 8:58 am

    From your lips…

Allison · May 18, 2013 at 12:28 am

Thank you again for writing such a well thought out article. We are wearing our No H8 shirts today to show our support.

    Kate Aaron · May 19, 2013 at 9:02 am

    thank you for showing your support!

Lisa T · May 18, 2013 at 5:45 am

Kate, I haven’t read your books yet, but I will now. If this post is any indication of your talent or style I’m already hooked.

This post is shocking, but with great reason. Thank you for bravely laying out the reality.


Jack L. Pyke · May 18, 2013 at 9:53 am

Powerful post, Kate.

Beth · May 18, 2013 at 8:03 pm

Thank you so much for doing the hop! That was an excellent blog post.

Beth · May 18, 2013 at 8:04 pm

Thank you for doing the hop. That was a wonderful post.

Jade Crystal · May 18, 2013 at 6:54 pm

Fantastic post and prizes, Kate. Posts like this are so hard to read but so very, very needed. It’s impossible to deny that homophobia exists when confronted by the real photographic evidence. Things are happening to LGBTQ people all over the world – Russia, France, Uganda, NYC – and it’s frightening. Hopefully, IDAHO and HAHAT can bring awareness and make a difference for someone.

    Kate Aaron · May 19, 2013 at 9:00 am

    I certainly hope so. The more people are aware of what is really going on, the harder it becomes to get away with it.

Karl · May 19, 2013 at 12:31 am

Very upsetting post. I can’t believe we still see that level of violence.

    Kate Aaron · May 19, 2013 at 9:01 am

    Sadly we still live in a world where people are executed for homosexuality. It’s something that too often gets forgotten when we’re talking about other civil rights, especially when it seems like we are winning in the West.

Suze · May 20, 2013 at 2:23 pm

A harrowing read kate, thanks for the donation to AKT on our behalf

    Kate Aaron · May 20, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    It got all the more harrowing since the violence in NYC escalated to murder this weekend. Which is why we need to confront this issue head-on.

Urbanista · May 20, 2013 at 2:40 pm

A courageous and hard-hitting post! I wish we could see images of the perpetrators as they commit these crimes. They are possessed by a crazed and evil mob mentality, and dehumanized by their brutality. I do disagree that people who object to homosexuality for religious reasons aren’t homophobic. I believe they are, and are willing to twist their alleged religion for the sole purpose of persecuting others. Their anti-gay protests are characterized by a virulent anti-gay rhetoric that espouses a kind of spiritual violence that is appalling. But not as appalling as these photos. Thanks for sharing them.

    Kate Aaron · May 20, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    Thanks for commenting. I don’t dispute that some of the religious rhetoric is homophobic – where religion is being wielded as a weapon against us. But I think there’s there’s a distinction to be drawn between an honestly-held belief that something is wrong – which doesn’t imply persecution – and twisting religion in order to defame or oppress any group of people, which is an act of aggression.

Nancy S · May 20, 2013 at 9:57 pm

Horrifying pictures! The faces of why this HOP exists and why it must stop.

    Nancy S · May 20, 2013 at 9:58 pm

    Don’t mean the HOP must stop, the hate must stop.

      Kate Aaron · May 21, 2013 at 7:52 am

      🙂 thanks for commenting Nancy

Sophie Bonaste · May 21, 2013 at 11:58 pm

That was a very powerful post. We need to end the violence and stop the hate. Thank you so much for sharing and participating in this amazing hop!

    Kate Aaron · May 22, 2013 at 8:21 am

    thanks for commenting!

H.B. · May 23, 2013 at 2:44 am

A moving post that pushes all to the reality that hate is real and equality doesn’t exist for all. Thank you for posting these pictures and educating us all with these stories and photos and for being a voice in the hop against homophobia and transphobia.

    Kate Aaron · May 23, 2013 at 7:36 am

    Thanks for commenting!

Peggy · May 23, 2013 at 4:43 pm

Thank you for writing this great post, it is exactly what people need to read.

Crissy M · May 25, 2013 at 2:04 am

Kate, this is heartbreaking and beautiful. I’m in tears. So powerful. Thank you for this.

    Kate Aaron · May 25, 2013 at 9:50 am

    thanks for reading

Lena Grey · May 25, 2013 at 7:08 pm

You bring up some excellent points. I’d never thought about making a distinction between discrimination and homophobia. Thanks for your post!

Sherry S. · May 27, 2013 at 8:25 pm

Great but a sad post! Thank you for taking part in the hop!

Penumbra · May 28, 2013 at 3:53 am

A brutally honest post. All I can hope is that Karma will come back to bite those haters in the butt someday.

    Kate Aaron · May 28, 2013 at 7:21 am

    you and me both 🙂

Emily W. · May 28, 2013 at 5:22 am

Thanks a bunch for sharing and participating!

    Emily W. · May 28, 2013 at 5:24 am

    Dang, forgot to enter Rafflecopter. is that ok?

      Kate Aaron · May 28, 2013 at 7:21 am

      no problem, thanks for commenting!

Comments are closed.